Sunday, November 29, 2009

"Tears are the safety valve of the heart, when too much pressure is laid on it." -- Albert Smith

However, it turns out that the Potassium wasn't the other medication causing issues.  Apparently, as I had gone through each step of the process, medications were added, without careful checking of those that I was already one.  I had ended up with multiple medications for the same symptoms, and despite having the list in their internal system, as well as with me at all times, no one had noticed.  AAARRGGGHHHH.....

So, as I sat there, I began to think about the implications of all of this.  Remember, they were just doing the evaluation to get me on the transplant list, and then... all of this.  If there was lasting damage to my heart or kidneys, regardless of the prognosis for them, would that disqualify me from the transplant list?  Because, without an eventual transplant, I am quite aware of my prognosis -- and it is not a good one.

Realizing the potential of either the lasting damage or disqualification from the list, I soon pretty much fell apart.  A diseased liver, you see, can also lower your testosterone levels (perhaps this is why I now seem to fall apart and get emotional at every little thing!).  So there I sat in an ER bed, a fully grown, reasonably well spoken 43 year old man, blubbering like a three year old, and not being able to pull myself back together. 

Soon the hepatologist came over next to me and put her hand on my shoulder.  Since I was still trying to pull myself together, my wife explained my concerns.  She assured me that they would take good care of me in the ICU, and that they weren't noticing any evidence of lasting damage to my heart or kidneys yet.  She promised that they would watch closely, and I managed to calm down a bit...  And so they left the room, leaving me in the hands of the ER staff to get me safely to the ICU...

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